my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The adults are the big ones right?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
