I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm just crazy horny about you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
