there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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