Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
