there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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