so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
