i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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