My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
