Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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