Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
