put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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