Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
