i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
