i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
