yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
