I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
