1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
