Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
