i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
