that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
