i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
