im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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