Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
