So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
