The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
