Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
