so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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