cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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