can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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