Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
