I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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