dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
