I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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