remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
