I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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