So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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