before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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