My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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