a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
