We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
