Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
