Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
