It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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