Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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