I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
