my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
