it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
