i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
