Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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