24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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